Encountering the daily challenges of a ”weightlifting” mom that resonate with us all…

And the secret to survival and sanity (yes, it’s achievable!).

When Mother’s Day springs to mind, what’s your immediate reaction? Breakfast in bed with champagne, cards declaring “Best mom ever,” an overdose of sweetness, a lavish dinner at an upscale restaurant… Or do you picture crying and tantrums, emotional ups and downs, preparing three different meals per mealtime (due to one child’s allergies and another’s gourmet-level fussiness), balancing work commitments with piano lesson schedules, and a never-ending cycle of diaper changes? It’s no surprise that this day evokes a cocktail of emotions.

Here’s an essay from MADARA Skin Care’s founder, Lotte Tisenkopfa-Iltnere:

“As International Women’s Day has evolved into a beacon of empowerment, I believe it’s time for Mother’s Day to undergo a similar transformation. Many mothers might concur that it’s difficult to connect with the soft and floral aura that typically defines this day. Have you ever noticed those picture-perfect, joy-filled Mother’s Day mornings depicted in films or across social media? Contrary to these calm and picturesque scenes, as a mother of three and a busy entrepreneur, I view motherhood as more akin to a warrior’s battle, a weightlifter’s challenge, or a marathon runner’s endurance test than a scene of serene divinity. That’s why I want to see this tougher aspect of motherhood recognized and honored too.”

In the gentlest terms, parenthood has been the most transformative journey I’ve ever embarked upon. Launching a business, setting up a skincare factory, and renovating a couple of houses (yes, two!) seem like simple tasks in comparison to raising a child.

Lotte Tisenkopfa

Founder of MÁDARA

The arrival of your first child profoundly shifts (or should I say, upends?) your life and daily routine, requiring you to create a fresh pattern of living over several years. Prepare to bid farewell to uninterrupted night’s sleep for about four years, and using cutlery for around two and a half years… if not longer! The days of brunching with friends or idyllic summer evenings are replaced by 6:30 AM wake-up calls every Saturday, thanks to a baby’s wail. And there’s no pause button offering even a moment’s reprieve – the only rescue comes in the form of doting grandparents.

If you’re a trendy hipster for whom the day’s biggest challenge is choosing between freshly ground Kenyan and Ethiopian coffee for your artisanal cappuccino, post-childbirth might find you frantically gulping down vaguely coffee-like beverages from the nearest convenience store. Yet, if you’re a retail enthusiast, motherhood presents a plethora of opportunities – consider the infinite style possibilities offered by fluctuating up to 30 kilograms or more in size.

Fortunately, a second child doesn’t exactly double the chaos. I’d estimate an increase of around 60%. You’ll master the art of finger-eating while cradling a baby, grow accustomed to jam stains adorning your pristine office shirts, and, of course, endure the ubiquitous presence of porridge, juice, and Lego pieces underfoot (consider it a free reflexology session). Here, I’d advocate for expanding your family further – if you’re managing two kids, why not consider a third? Surprisingly, another baby seamlessly and subtly integrates into the daily disorder. The real challenge lies in figuring out how to cram five individuals, two bicycles, a stroller, and nine bags into a single vehicle, unless you’re the proud owner of a spacious Escalade, of course.

TREAT YOURSELF OR YOUR SWEET MOM THIS MONTH

WITH THESE FEEL-GOOD FINDS

If your mental image of a mother still aligns with the tranquil figure of Madonna cradling a child, I invite you to join me on a shopping trip for flower seedlings at the local home goods store. I challenge you to remain unperturbed as you dissuade one child from purchasing the largest pack of bubble gum, while your three-year-old ingeniously disrupts the store’s electricity supply. I’d love to see your peaceful expression when you arrive home only to discover you’ve inadvertently left all your purchases (bubble gum included) behind at the store. Amidst the cries, dirty diapers, and barren flower beds in your backyard, remember, there’s no pause button.

So how does a parent persevere? In our family, we’ve formulated some survival strategies. Our humor has darkened considerably – laughter or tears are our only options (often simultaneously). We each have our little daily escapes – I take solace in a ten-minute coffee meditation by the window each morning, oblivious to the chaos around me. My husband, on the other hand, lingers in the shower until the municipal water supply runs dry (my apologies, I am cognizant of global water concerns, but we have three children!). Of course, we equally share all domestic responsibilities since traditional gender roles became obsolete in the 19th century. I handle dinner preparation, child care, and floor cleaning, while my husband tackles breakfast, daycare drop-offs, and the majority of grocery shopping. We each work two shifts a day – during daylight hours and once the children are asleep.

Need more proof that motherhood more closely mirrors the trials of a warrior than the tranquil image that’s been propagated through the centuries? Feminist philosophers have critiqued this traditional image, highlighting that maternity is a socially constructed role often used for gender discrimination. Latvian author and art critic Jana Kukaine challenges this notion in her book Beautiful Mothers. Woman. Body. Subjectivity (Neputns, 2016), where she suggests that the concept of natural motherhood is a societal illusion. Kukaine highlights that motherhood is traditionally tied to nature, physicality, instinct, and emotion.

“The child is not an otherworldly event taking place outside of time and space; instead, it is the totality of real worries and anxiety, sleepless nights, lectures, empty plates, grazed knees, tears, horseplay, laughter and a loving touch. (..) The more clearly women articulate their experience, without fearing also talking about the difficult, despairing, sorrowful and disappointing moments, the fuller the picture and the more authentic the features on the Madonna`s contemplative face. After all, an honest articulation of women`s experiences will lead to fruitful discussions and the transformation of actual motherhood practices.”

While motherhood may seem like a task meant for a superhero like Iron Man, I concede, it does bring moments of pure bliss. The act of giving birth is a celestial experience, and witnessing your children sleep is nothing short of magical. Observing their growth uncovers the enigma of why our world continues to persist against all odds.

So, I wish to extend my profound admiration to all the Super-Moms out there, sending extra hugs and warm wishes to my friends who are single parents, mothers of ill children, and those with angel babies. Salutations to mothers across the globe who, despite being denied empowerment, safety, advanced healthcare, education, and basic human rights, tirelessly contribute to the perpetuation of humanity.